Friday, March 19, 2010

Bellmore Folk Legends: ...And The Rest

When I thought about doing a week of "Bellmore Folk Legends" I sent out a Facebook message to a select group of the "unscene" get their stories. I started the conversation with Big Roy, Bunky and Nunzio, knowing other "Legends" would be mentioned. It didn't take long before the conversation veered off my three (it was the second response actually). More and more "Legends" were added to the ever growing list. Some got a quick mention and some were expanded upon. A few more emails were sent out and I opened it up to all Bellmore: The Unscene followers and people voted for their favorite "Legends".

Besides the big three (Big Roy, Bunky and Nunzio), Don received the most votes so he got his own day and profile. I thought about giving the last day to Beldar because he was a close fifth but there was just too much enthusiasm and funny stuff written about the rest to cast aside. So I decided the last day of "Bellmore Folk Legend Week" should be about... the rest – hence my 1st season Gilligan's Island reference above (The Professor and Mary Ann were referred to as "the rest").

Below is a collection of all the "Bellmore Folk Legend" conversations (Big Roy, Bunky, Nunzio and Don have been edited out)...


"What about Ty?" – Tammie Cohen Bianco

"Ty was the retarded black kid right?" – Joe Kollar

"Ron just mentioned Beldar & Flippo, but he's not sure if he's the same person. Ron said to call him 516 XXX-XXXX." – Tammie Cohen Bianco

"I'm 99% sure Beldar and Flippo are the same person. I always called him Beldar but after talking to Weinstein, he called him Flippo and it seemed like we were talking about the same weirdo.

I saw Flippo/Beldar in the North Bellmore library once. He was chatting with the hot girl who used to work there. I heard him say, "You and I should run away together in my airplane. It's parked outside on the grass. But it doesn't have any gas in it. Heh HehHehHehHehHehHehHehHeh HehHeh Heh Heh."

That's the way he laughed, "Heh Heh HehHehHehHehHehHehHeh" – Joe Kollar

"Beldar and Flippo are NOT the same person.

Beldar was the conehead guy that ate food outta the trashcans on Bedford Ave. He had globs of vaseline around his eyes. We would ride our bikes up behind him and yell, "Beldar!!! You kiiiiiiiiiiilled your family!!!!" He would grab his chest and scream, "Police! Police! I'm gonna kill your mothers, you fucking bastards!!!"

I was at The Itch with Danny Keelan in 9th grade watching Zapped and Beldar came in with his cart (one of those metal collapsible hand carts with 2 wheels for groceries). He sat in the 1st row, Danny threw lemonheads at him. Beldar picked them up off the floor and ate them. (editor's note: When I spoke to Ron, he told the same story but his ended with Beldar chasing everyone out of the theater.)

Flippo was the Phil Silvers looking guy that wore an army jacket and Buddy Holly glasses. We used to ride our bikes up behind him and yell, "Flippo!!! You kiiiiilled your family!!!" – Dave Jemmott

"Beldar might be George the Animal Steele's brother." – Mark Paris

"Wow, I always thought it was the same guy from the the way Weinstein described Flippo." – Joe Kollar

"Beldar was clinically crazy. Flippo was just a creep." – Dave Jemmott

"I think it was Flippo that I saw in the library. I was a kid but I remember the glasses and army fatigues." – Joe Kollar

"Joe are you sure you didn't see Conaboy in the library?" – Dave S


"I'm just surprised that no one has mentioned the Fat Fonz yet, or Ralphie Rebel for that matter. Frank, when you have your call with Ronald, mention those two guys as well." – Jim Muscarella

"Ralph Rebel was a dick. Enough said." – Dave Jemmott

"Fat Fonz used to come into One Stop every Saturday afternoon and he told me this story many many times:

"Hey Andy Kollar's brother.... (that's what he called me, he never knew my name) when you were 4 years old, you came walking onto my block in a cowboy outfit waving your toy cap guns all over and shooting up the neighborhood."

For the record, I have never liked cowboys, owned a cowboy outfit or had capguns. As a kid I had a blue machine gun that looked like something Eliot Ness would use. I have no idea who Fat Fonz was talking about but he insisted it was me." – Joe Kollar

"When we were much younger Fat Fonz was also called "Side-Mouth" because of the odd way he talked out of half of his mouth. The story was that he talked like that because he was in jail and when you were standing shoulder to shoulder in a line you would talk that way to the guy next to you so the screws wouldn't see your mouth moving." – Mike Bianco

"Fat Fonz's real name is Tony Walsch. He is a big fat guy who looks like a 50's greaser. For years he drove a primer black Chevy Nomad wagon from the 60's with piss yellow window tint. He drove a cab for Bellmore taxi, too. His sister Ann was in Deniese's grade at Mepham." – Joe Kollar

"Ron sold a car to him." – Tammie Cohen Bianco

"Was the story about him building the VW beetle in his living room real? I think I might have a photo of his truck that had the "Elvis in Heaven" painted on the door. He lives or lived on Chicago Avenue. I will stalk him over the weekend." – Christine Frey

"I will stalk him over the weekend". Now that's a beaut of a Bellmore quote..." – Jim Muscarella

"I cut off Fat Fonz on Loring Rd in Levittown, so he pulled up next to us called me an asshole and gave me the finger, screamed fuck you and cut me off. I think at that point me Dave and Joe just pulled over and laughed for a while screaming that was Fat Fonz!!!" – Tom Oneil

"I forgot about cutting off off Fat Fonz, that was some funny shit." – Joe Kollar

"Here's my Fat Fonz story...

Bilbo and I thought it the right thing to do to call a cab from a party at Carmella's house...

I guess our becoming distracted with the faces coming out from the wood paneling in her basement probably didn't make either of us candidates fer designated driver, and despite the straight shot down Newbridge to my house, I thought it best to listen to those who had more wits about them and call Bellmore taxi...

An hour, and three more phone calls later, the cab showed up and we slid into the back.

The cab sped off Orange Street and onto Newbridge Rd and quickly got stuck behind a poor soul from Florida who was only doing 50mph in the 30 zone...


He sped up to about 6inches from the back of the car ahead!....flashing his brights and screaming:

'c'mon ya FOKKIN' CUNTS'!...

We nervously snickered as if the lives held mercilessly captive in that dark, sticky back seat were not our own...


By this time my laughter was uncontrollable, but I was also shitting major bricks...death was surely eminent...tears started to stream down my face, part fear, part folly...

'holy fukkin shit...holy fukkin shit...'

I hugged Bilbo's arm in hopes I could use it to soften the blow of my head smashing through the windshield if the guy from FLA decided to tap his brakes...

We finally turned on to Garfield St and paid the man and ran into my house...the next day, I WALKED back to Carmella's house to get my car...

It seemed the safe thing to do...

To this day, I don't let other people do my driving..." – Jim Burns


"Hey Frank what about Estelle LaBelle, better known as the Friendly's Witch?" – Joe Kollar

"Franklin, my brother still talks to Alan, the asian blind kid, that was in the special class. I think he bangs him." – Dave S

"Craig Vickers, Metham and Slam." – Kevin Purcell

I'd like to expand on Kevin's mention of Slam. Those of us who hung out at Jerusalem Junior High School in the summer of '88 (I think?) should remember that name. Slam was a obvious narc. We were hanging out front one day when we heard someone calling to us from a window of the school. The dude came out and introduced himself as Slam. He said he was a custodian at the school. This was after Jerusalem closed down so we wouldn't know if he was or wasn't a custodian.

Slam was the spitting image of the Circle Jerks mascot...except with glasses. And for someone who looked über-punk, he had little knowledge of punk music. We've all seen enough TV shows about undercover cops to figure this one out. They probably staked us out for a while and learned we liked punk rock (someone always had a boombox blaring). So they got their youngest looking rookie and gave him a look exactly like the Circle Jerks mascot.

Slam hung around for about two weeks looking for an angle, but at that time we were mostly just drinking beer. He didn't have a case so he went on to his next assignment.

"He had a crappy tattoo that said "Made in England" on his arm and spoke in a really bad British accent (sometimes)." – Steve Zielinski

"He was like 28 and claimed to be 18. Half of the time he talked in a fake British accent with a pretty pronounced lisp." – Joe Kollar

"He was no Peter Deluise from 21 Jump Street, now that was a great narc. I spoke to him once and all he asked about was drugs. What a dick." – Bob Socci

(Editors Note:) After posting this day of "Legends" a reader informed me that Slam was NOT a narc. The reader had known Slam since the 6th grade. That is a little long for a drug sting. For the past 20 years we all thought he was a narc. But that's the beauty of folklore...half the stuff just ain't true.


"Doughalu, Fat Cathy, Flash, Mitch, Tuxedo Jim, Mogely and the Sunday Morning Shitter. Oh and Baloo." – Dave S

"Frank, the Sunday Morning Shitter was a guy who came into Grand Union every Sunday morning at 8 to take a shit before he shopped. He would freak out if the shitter was occupied! I would block the door at about 7:58 to get him pissed off!!" – Tom Oneil

"Tom- WHY in the Fuck would a person have a shit in a public bathroom in a supermarket?!?!?!? Was he retarded, or crazy or some combo of the 2? The thought of EVER doing #2 out in public is so crazy. Gross!!" – Christine Frey

"He was an average looking guy and was not retarded. I think he was probably just cheap!" – Tom Oneil

"Did he have a pay toilet at home?" – Steve Zielinski

"I think stories that need to be looked into further are Tom taking Flash to the Stamberg's Halloween party." – Dave S

"And the Coneheads/Mo's." – Dave S

"I have the lowdown on the Beards or "Moes" as Dave called them? (Mother and daughter weirdos who did the conga line down all the main streets and asked for glasses of water in every establishment along the way.) They were my faves." – Christine Frey

"The mother and daughter combo who used to walk in a perfect line all over Bellmore and smell like urine." – Mike Walsh

"Yeah, we called them THE BEARDS!" – Christine Frey

"Cathy found their likeness @ the MOMA, if I recall correctly?" – Christine Frey

"The bearded mother/daughter coo coo choo choo ladies. According to my dad, the daughter witnessed the father kill her brother." – Cathy Messemer

"Brother Killed Father - Drugs! Drugs!! Drugs!!! He was on DRUGS!!!! Sonny?? Sonny?? Can You Help ME??? MO!! MO!! MOW!!!!!!" – Tom Oneil

"Yes, Tom is right... The brother killed the father in front of the mom and daughter, he went to jail and that left those 2 alone and even more crazy. My mom knows the whole story, I will have to ask her about it because I have forgotten the details." – Christine Frey

I'd like to interrupt again to talk about "The Beards/The Mo's". I have fond memories of these two (that's my illustration of how I remember them). I lived right off of Bellmore Road and I'd always see them walk past – in single file – carrying their ShopRite bags. This was on the North side of the Southern State PKWY, so that's a hike from ShopRite. My sister and I called them "Me and My Shadow" (like the song) because the daughter was essentially the mother's shadow.

"Does anyone remember the Apostle guy (I think Maureen and I may have named him that) but he was basically just a regular looking guy with dark long hair and a beard, really skinny and dirty?

Also the "life kills" jailhouse tattoo guy, who always wore all black and a cowboy hat?

How about Andy "the boxman" Dallas who lived in the Bellmore projects, and was a vaudeville star back in the day? He always wore brand new dark denim Levis with huge cuffs and would sweep the parking lot across the street from Sells. Everything in his apartment was in boxes or just a box." – Christine Frey

"I remember the Moes and the Apostle still walks around near King Kullen. I see him all of the time." – Joe Kollar


"Not sure if he's been mentioned yet, but I just saw Lawnmower Man on Bedford and Oak Street. His beard is now pretty grey and I think he gained about 6oz..." – Jim Muscarella

"What about the crazy lady who dances while she walks around Bellmore listening to her headphones?" – Cathy Messemer

"No Pete the Shoe?..;)))..." – Jim Burns

"He does fifty, ya know?" – Jim Burns

"Pete Shoe!!!! So many stories... DEF a Bell Rock Legend." – Christine Frey

"Mighty Mike." – Dave S

"Mighty Mike!!! LOVED him! Dave, you RULE." – Christine Frey

"Koslov 40." – Dave S

"Mike Maher?" – Dave S

"What's legendary about Maher?" – Joe Kollar

"James James Phillips and Adrian Pooma Hairo. Walch has a song about those murderers." – Scott Jacobs

"ALSO- do not forget Kevin Heaney - favorite bartender and Bellmore Legend!! Plays the banjo like nobody's business, and Ronald gave him his first tattoo of a pinup riding a bottle of Irish Mist. Dave and I have a TON of Kevin stories, and I have a lot of photos of him also.

Dave S-- remember the LORAX!!!! and also "Fuck you, Asscrack"!

I really miss the FAME of Bellmore : ( " – Christine Frey

"I think Kevin is the real story... I saw the Lorax walking into the former Pal Joey's at 7:30 a.m. two years ago." – Dave S

"And Hal saying "two years ago". – Dave S

"HA! The Lorax and HAL!!!!! Dave, my Love for you knows no earthy bounds ♥" – Christine Frey

"I took that fuck out to breakfast. He was full of shit with his dates though. He would be like "You took me to the hospital when I broke my wrist" and gave me the date and it was totally off. I need a photo of Bobby the Bartender. He claimed he was 38 when he was around and I do not believe it now that I am turning 39. I want to kick that fucker in the nuts in the pumpkin patch." – Dave S


"I think Tammie should draw all the Bellmore Legends because there is probably no photographic evidence, sadly." – Christine Frey

I took Christine's suggestion and got Tammie...and draw all the "Bellmore Folk Legends" you've seen all week. A big "thank you" to them again. Their illustrations are really great and someone should make them into t-shirts. Put me down for one of each...size large.

To the rest of the "Bellmore Folk Legends"...we salute you.

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